Tuesday 7 April 2015

Dilemma, a letter I wished I could send my mum

Hi I have this dilemma.
My mum is my best friend and I usually confide in her about all matters. She is not happy that I am divorcing my husband and is very much conservative with judging people in terms of what others would think. For her, I am throwing my life away. I certainly am not seeing it that way.
I know that I can’t tell her about BDSM as she’d have a coronary and I would be rejected. But I told her I am making friends with new people of various ages. She seems in the idea that I should stick to my own age… I find this a bit limitative as young & old can bring different range of wisdom. Some of these I feel much closer than others (and they are at the opposite end of the scale & also live on different continents). She doesn’t know any specifics (thank goodness for that). I am 43. I should be old enough to know what I am doing, isn’t it?
I left France back in 1996 because I couldn’t bear the retrograde mentality of being judged about my appearance or about the class I belong to. I fear things have not changed much for the older generations.
Why can’t we be friend with people we like regardless of who they are, how old they are, where they are from, what work they do and so on. The world is a big place and it is much more fun to mingle rather than staying in your own little corner with limited views and aspirations.
I want to take on the world, I want to live. I am a mum but it doesn’t mean that I am not a human being & a woman first? Do I have to live a life a sacrifice because I am a mother? That nearly led me to the grave a few years back.
I don’t want to lie to myself. I am really sorry that my mum can’t be part of the beautiful journey I have started. This is heartbreaking as I love her to pieces but judgemental views is what got me to leave the nest for another country in the first place.
I am sorry mum. But I choose happiness over societal protocols.
Your loving daughter.

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