Something has clicked in my brain this morning. It is something that has been hoovering around my consciousness for a few weeks now as I get more and more interested in primal”ism”.
I have wondered why am I so much susceptible to energy? If I am in a group with a great energy, I feed off that and I feel great. If the energy is broken, I feed off that too and I don’t feel so good. Since attempting to cut off people with bad / negative energy, I feel much better. And I am surrounded by a lot of positive powerhouses so I sometimes feel I can take on the world.
Moreover, I have noticed that I enjoy myself more if the play is more aggressive and if I feel the dominance over me pushing me to submit. I have a perfect example of how I feel as I have seen it on TV! The kid loves watching animal programs so we get to watch The Dog Whisperer and Monkey World almost on a daily basis and and what I have just described is done in the natural world by dogs or monkeys and I am pretty sure by countless of other animals.The Dog Whisperer Cesar talks a lot about dominant energy and submissive state of mind. I completely identify with what he is talking about.
Lastly, I have this urge to escape. Those who know me won’t be surprised by this. I wonder if it is because I have gone “native” or “basic” meaning that I am like a wild animal who has to break free no matter what. And this is a fight that gives me great pleasure.
I don’t identify with an animal though if I did I would be a black panther but yet again I am not an animal, I am animalinstict.
I am confused and trying to make sense of what is going on here. It could just mean that this is what submission is all about. Letting go of what makes us individuals and being moulded into something else for a moment. Or is it that I am moulded already and I just return to my roots.
I don’t know. What do you think?
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