I have decided to move away from Marialdntiedup and get known here as Madaboutrope on Fetlife because this is what I am.
I am rebuilding myself as much as I can. I have holes in me caused by different things, I don't know if they will ever fill themselves up but nevertheless I keep on moving forward as it is what I do, move forward regardless.
Writing is my salvation. I have started writing a love story between a rigger and a BBW. There are similar things that I have lived but it has nothing to do with my own experience or other peoples I have interacted with. I have been inspired by things but it is a work of fiction. Creating that work of fiction occupies my mind and gives me something to look forward to, something positive, something that is being constructed rather than being destroyed. Something really good will happen in that story, I know that, though I don't know what.
I am embracing writing and I have a goal, writing my own book and publish it. This is my own goal, one that I can achieve.
I know that we are only here for a time, a moment. This moment can be taken away at a moment's notice, literally. I want to enjoy whatever comes my way, good and bad. So here I am, Madaboutrope as I want to indulge in it more than ever.
And I need love, lots of love. I need hugs, more hugs and even more hugs. I want to stop hurting.
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