Submission is a scary thing. Or is, it?

By submitting, I give my body & soul to someone else. Why would I do that?
I am a rational being and should not subject myself to someone else’s will. But here’s the thing. That’s exactly what gets me going, submitting myself to someone else’s will. It excites me and makes me alive. It also makes me stronger. This is actually weird thinking that way but giving myself away takes a lot of strength of character and thus that strength is then utilised in every day situation.

Before going into a D/s relationship I was actually scared of losing myself in the dynamics. That couldn’t be further away from what is actually happening. The further I go into it, the more I become stable, self-awared, self-sufficient, happier and less proned to be affected by external negative influence. And I am pretty sure that, should the relationship end for whatever reasons, I will keep these benefits. I am growing as a person as if I am having a new “adolescence”, becoming a new adult.

Another thing I was scared of was pain. It intrigued me but also terrified me. It turns out I can take on pain. But when I am in my headspace, pain almost stops registering as pain. It is as if my body doesn’t feel anything. This is as if I am no longer in my body to feel what is happening. This is a most intriguing thing to experience.

Would I give up this for a vanilla relationship? No way. I am firmly into BDSM and will never go back. I am submissive through and through. And no, I am not a switch.

Someone has provided me with this quote from Anais Nin (which I have put on my profile by the way). This is me, through and through.

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.