So far my writing has helped me to keep afloat, either because I was expressing something that buggered me or because I experienced something that I wanted to experience through my words.
Life is very difficult at the moment. I have no anchor. I am drifting across the sea, without direction. I don't know where I am going to land. But land somewhere I will. I may land in a lush beautiful place but with dangers lurking beneath the beds of flowers. Or I may reach a barren land, devoid of pleasure but also devoid of danger, of pain, just emptiness.
I have no way of commanding which direction I am going. At the moment, I am just drifting. But I struggle to keep my head above the water. I sometimes swallow some and am at the point of drowning but somehow something is pushing me back up and I cough it all out.
Fantasy world does help and the fact that I am out there looking for more people to play with and also for a Dom means that I have to remain sociable. I am starting to think like a friend of mine whether it would not better to leave it all and have an easier life, like the barren island. That life would be a hell lot easier. But I will definitely not be happy as I will not be challenged to be more than what I am now, to be what I am meant to be. I much prefer the lush island filled with dangers but also with pleasures that only I and the partner I will be with will get to experience.
I just need to keep afloat a little be more. I must not drown. Not yet, not now. Not after what I have gone through. I need to keep afloat.
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