Odd reflections on a Saturday evening

The kid is sleeping on the sofa and I am here, on my own, with my own head and negative thoughts.

I am feeling inadequate as I have lost control over my food. I had managed not to use food as emotional support and I am back at it. I use food in a destructive way and I am trying to stop it. It has been going for a few weeks as a way to cope with everything that went on. I had thought the writing was sufficient to help me cope but it hasn't. I have put on weight, I know. This time, my body shows. It is not good and this weight has to go as it is not good for me. It is not a vanity issue but a health issue.

I haven't got any financial support from the government as of yet since I have no job (ie March). I am not desperate but I am in a demonic ping pong with the job centre. I keep saying something. They keep sending me the same letter word for word which doesn't correspond to my case. I keep responding and yet they keep sending me that same letter word for word that doesn't correspond to my case. I am going to send a complain on Monday as it has to stop. I have no support whatsoever to help me find work when I need it most. Even my tax credits have reduced because I no longer work. I need to call them to find out why though as I feel this is not right.

I am moving on with my life on the kink front and have met someone who is hilarious and evil at the same time, the perfect combination for me. Yet, I have 2 holes in me that are not filled up, one hurting a lot more than the other. Burning bridges was what I needed to do. I wanted to go to the London Munch yesterday and saw my former Dom may attend and thus have decided not to go. (In the end, it was better that way as I had a splendid evening). We're both attending the same event tomorrow but I don't want to be near him as I know that I will hurt if I see him. Yet we both have the same right to attend it so we'll have to make do with the situation.

I know I have friends who care for me, friends I have met a few months ago and have become my BDSM family. I am so grateful to have them. I have a great new playmate as well. So things are not all negative.

I need to sort out my food issue. I need to sort out my benefits issues. I need to get a job.

I need stability.
I need love.
I need submission.
I need fun.
I need craziness.

I am tired of being tired, I am tired of hurting for X Y or Z reason, sometimes I am tired of being me. But as I have said in another post, I live my life on a straight line always moving forward, even if I am tired. I will always move forward, no matter what.

Thank you for reading my rant about life.