March 21, 2015
Today I am free. I have received my divorce papers through
the post and it is now officially over. 16 years of marriage are finally over.
I am on good terms with the ex-husband but it has not always been the case. We
seem to now have both found peace in our situation and we are making sure our
son remains happy and is loved by both of us even though we stopped loving each
other.
The reason my marriage broke up is because I have discovered
my sexuality and my ex-husband could not cope with my needs that were much too
strong and caused us to stop having sex altogether. We were never really
comfortable with each other sexually. I always wanted more than what he was
offering. I was always frustrated but I never knew why. This frustration got
transposed to our every day life up to the point when it became evident to us
that we would be better apart. I love
him dearly but I need more than what he can offer me. I thus took charge of my
life and asked for the divorce.
We both have joint-custody of our son, Sean, who is 9 years
old. He spends one week with his dad and one week with his mum. We both live
close to one another so that it doesn’t affect Sean’s schooling. Sean is very
much our priority for both of us, despite of everything that has happened.
This week, I am free, Sean is with his dad. And I am going
out.
March 22, 2015
I have my ropes in my rucksack, vibrators, corset and I am
all set for an evening of fun with my friend Roman. He is a playmate, meaning
that we play together but we don’t have a relationship per se. He is very tall,
medium build but very strong and has brilliant hands with long fingers. I love
playing with Roman as he is very imaginative and very devilish. He enjoys
laying traps for me to fall in so that he can provide additional funishment
(punishment given for fun). An evening with him is an evening spent in
laughter, in joy, in pain, in self-contemplation and mostly an evening being
alive with sensations and emotions.
We’re meeting at his place as his walls and floors are thick
enough not to disturb the neighbours who may be tempted to call the Police
because of the type of noise we make, fearing someone could be in trouble.
Once there, I change into my lacy pants and my steampunk
Corset. It is a beautiful corset with black panels on the front, olive on the
back with brown ribbons and great locks on the front. He loves it when I wear
this one because it feels like opening a present when lifting all the locks one
by one in order to reveal my ample bosom (F cup if you must know).
- My darling you look really beautiful tonight. I look
forward to use you and abuse you in all your splendour.
- Roman, I would expect no less from you. I hope you have the
energy though to keep up with me.
- Oh my darling, you wait, you wait. I am so going to get
you.
On this, he puts his fingers inside my corset, right in
between my breasts and pulls me hard towards him. God I love it when he takes
charge of me. He lifts the locks up, one by one and frees me from the corset,
leaving me with my pants only which he actually slides down my legs and removes
them altogether. I am completely naked at this stage.
After grabbing my bag, he opens it and takes one rope which
he immediately uncoils. He holds the middle of it and asks me to put my arms in
front of me with my wrists touching each other. He wraps the rope around my
wrists twice and then makes a knot. He then pulls my hands over my head and wraps
the rope around my breasts both on top and below and locks me that way. He
pushes me towards his sofa and makes me bend over and kneel on the floor. He
starts with spanking, hard, relentlessly, furiously even. It is so hard that I
am about to call a Yellow and he stops. He caresses my buttocks and my back in
rhythmic circles, all over and then starts again and then stops again. It goes
on for a while until he picks one of my vibrators and inserts it into my vagina
and fucks me with it. I have to ask permission to orgasm.
- Can I have an orgasm please Sir?
- Not yet, hold on for me.
And he carries on fucking me with the vibrator, stopping all
stimulation when it gets too much, waits for a few seconds for me to cool and
then starts again.
- Can I have an orgasm please Sir?
- Not yet, hold on for me.
And he still carries on and then stop altogether, removing
the vibrator. I am very frustrated at this point but I have no choice but to
obey. In any case, my hands are no longer available to me.
He gets a flogger and starts flogging me on my bum, same way,
hard, relentlessly, furiously and does the same on my shoulders too. He switches
between both at regular interval. My bum and my shoulders are on fire. I am on
fire, a ball of sexual tension, in need of release.
He grabs the vibrator and fucks me again with it while
stimulating my clitoris at the same time. It is really hard not to orgasm, to
control it, to obey him. It takes all my will power but I don’t want to
disappoint him, I don’t want to fail him.
- Can I have an orgasm please Sir? I can’t hold on anymore.
It is too hard.
- Not yet, hold on for me still, just a little bit more.
- Sir, I can’t do it anymore, I can’t hold on.
- OK girl, cum for me.
And here I go, letting it all go, letting my orgasm build up
in my body, in my soul, reaching higher and higher and higher, up when I can’t
bear anymore and I can feel water exploding from my body as I explode in
orgasm. I am all wet and all spent.
The sofa is a mess, the floor is a mess but I am content and
my Dom is content.
He gets a condom which he puts on and straddles me and fucks
me gently, slowly and delicately while I lay there, immobilised by his body
weight and my hands tied behind my head.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for this man. He is brilliant
and I love him. We have a mess to clean up but we don’t care. Right now, we’re
both happy. He unties me and we both lay like this, rejoicing in this spiritual
connection, this sense of peace where nothing matters anymore but the sound of
our breath, the beating of our hearts and the touch of our skin.
Unfortunately, reality is never far away and we get up, clean
up the floor and the sofa, clean up all the instruments and the ropes and put
them all where they belong.
We then make our way to the shower where we wash the trace of
our play and lovemaking and replace it with the new us, refreshed us,
replenished us.
It is now time for me to go home and regain my independence
as it is who I am. I am a submissive in play but I am me in real life. Tomorrow
is another day at the office where they are going to gossip on my bruises but
this is OK. This is who I am. I have told my colleagues I am not in an abusive
relationship as they keep wondering why I have them. It is not their business,
it is mine. I wish I could tell them that I am submissive, that I like it
rough, that I like pain. Unfortunately, I fear their judgement, their lack of
understanding. I fear being ostracised. I do have a colleague who knows what I
am into. She has been my friend for many years and has seen the changes in me
when I have discovered finally who I was. I wished people could see the
beautiful things that I do. Unfortunately, I must remain in the closet.
Despite of this, I am so happy with my life right now, I have
met some wonderful people along the way, experienced things I would never have
experienced with my husband and have reached a level of peace in me that I
cherish very much. My life is beautiful.
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