C for Connection - #SpankA2Z

One of the things I love about playing with people is the human contact, the connection both mental and physical.

This connection is magical, like a dance where one is applying his will onto someone else and the recipient gets to experience a wide range of sensations ranging from pleasure, pain to catharsis. I don't know what a top experiences but I do know that I get to lose myself in a completely different world where nothing matters any more, where everything is good and pink.

I have played only twice this month and I so miss this human contact, this connection. God I gotta play.

A flower in stone

It goes to show that beauty can be found in the strangest of places

B is also for Bondage - #SpankA2Z

Bondage is so important to me. It is the big thing in my sexuality and without it, I cannot express that side of me.

I don't like bondage that is nice and cosy. I am not a fluffy person. Bondage has to restrict, it has to hurt.

What I and my ex had noticed is positions that are meant to be harsh and though are actually pleasurable for me and comfortable. It is as if I have a reverse switch compared to what is usual response when presented to a situation.

I like all sort of bondage though my favourite tool is rope. I like the feel of steel, the harshness and coldness of it. I want to experience being bound in steel chains one day from top to bottom. Due to my size, the person will need a lot of it but I do hope someone out there will be up to the challenge.

B is definitely a good letter.

Sent from my Windows Phone

B should also be for Buses

Every morning is the same, you wait for your bus to go to work and it is always full up, except that it is virtually empty at the back. Drivers don't see that and refuse to stop, thinking their buses are full, except that they are not.

I should have taken the train... Bloody Buses.

B for Bravado - #SpankA2Z

Everyone knows I am a brat. And I am so good at it. But it is all bravado in order to elicit a reaction from my Dom which usually happens as I often end up over his knees for a spat of spanking.

Spanking is not a punishment for me, it is just pure fun on both side resulting in lots of giggles, a sore bottom and an equally sore hand!

Yesterday's bravado was making my Dom horny by sending him some alluring messages during the day. I was so succesful that he was all worked up when coming home and we went straight to the bedroom. I definitely scored yesterday!

A for Animal - #SpankA2Z

In bed I am an Animal. I like it rough and hard. I fight tooth and nails too and will not surrender until I am made to surrender.

But the harder I fight, the harder my punishment is and it is usually spanking.

It can take many shapes and forms but usually it is very painful.

Nevertheless, I will not have it any other way as the fun is far too much fun to let it go and be all meeky.

I am a black panther, very seductive, very clever and oh so deadly if you cross me.

But also I am addictive as the love you get from me can be found nowhere else for I am unique and a prize so worthwhile to claim.

So this is me, I am an Animal.

Never ending heartbreak

I have been quite good the past few weeks, having moved on with my life, actively looking for my Dom, forging new friendships, moving forward, learning to be happy again.

And I have let my guard down and had a quick peak at the past.

And it all came flooding back in, all the anger, the sadness, the feeling of loss, the mental pain that comes with losing something that changed me profoundly and irrevocably.

I am sure it is just a set back and I will be again on my way to happiness again.

A one night stand with possibilities - Part 2

7pm, I am at the foyer of the Grand Hotel, dressed up in my favourite purple flowery dress and my purple sandals. The hotel where we are having dinner is very grandiose and flamboyant with a Rococo style decor. We are dining in a very lavish environment tonight. I think I look a bit out of place here and should probably have worn a long evening dress and a fascinator, not that I own any of those, nor do I have the money to have any of those.  Anyway, Jack is late. It is 10 past 7 and he's still not here.  I take a seat in a very plush armchair, feeling all of a sudden swallowed in. I close my eyes and just enjoy this moment of comfort and simple pleasure when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Jack has finally arrived, some 20 minutes late. He does look flustered so he must have rushed to be here. Maybe he has a good excuse, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

- Good evening Claudine, I am so sorry to have made you wait but I could not leave the office in time, we had a Major Incident to deal with requiring all the senior staff to stay behind. It is now all resolved and here I am.

- Well, I was starting to get a little annoyed but let's move on. What is a Major Incident?

- That's something that is serious enough to affect a certain number of staff. They need resolving as a priority and if they happen at the end of the day, it is tough for us as we have to stay and resolve them before they become even more serious or affect the business. But anyway, we are not here to talk about IT but to talk about us. Are you hungry? I'm starving. I didn't get a lunch and had to work all the way through the day. Come with me. 

And he takes my hand, leading me to the Hotel's restaurant which is another very grandiose room. I definitely feel under-dressed but it doesn't seem to bother Jack. He's wearing a very nice dark blue suit with a pink shirt and a darker pink tie. He looks very elegant and feel even more self-conscious. What does he see in me that warrants his attention. I am sure he can get all the girls he wants. Why me?

The Maitre d' shows us to our table, pulls my chair to let me sit and asks us if we would like to drink anything. I ask for a glass of dry white wine and Jack asks for a glass of rose. He leaves us so that we can resume our conversation.

- Tell me Jack, why me? Something puzzles me here. I don't seem to belong to the same world as you do. What do you want from me?

- Oh Claudine, straight to the point I see. Well, I think there is more to you than you let on. I am interested in finding out what is behind all your layers. I know I am rich. I have money. Let's get it out of the way. Yes, I could get other girls but it is you that I am interested in. You seem like a puzzle. And I like puzzles. 

- So I am a riddle for you to resolve and then what? Once you have worked out who I am, what will you do? Drop me? Yes, I am straight to the point and for a reason as I don't want to be hurt by a Lothario which is what you appear to be. 

- Ouch, that hurts. Just get me straight here, I am not a Lothario and I am not here to use you and then drop you. I like you and would very much like to find out more about you. But you need to see beyond what my appearances tell you. 

The waiter comes with our drinks, a welcomed interruption as we were on our way to our first argument, even before we started.

- OK Jack, I am sorry. I am being defensive and it is not fair on you. Let's start again. My name is Claudine and I'm pleased to meet  you.

- OK Claudine, I'm Jack. And I am a Dom. 

On this, I almost choke on my wine. Did he say he's a Dom? How did he know?

- Jack, how did you know I am a sub?

- Well I didn't, you just told me. I took a chance as I did like you and was hoping that you would be in the lifestyle. 

- I am a sub but Domless at present. My previous D/s broke up fairly recently due to irreconcilable differences (he wanted marriage, I did not, he wanted kid, I did not). I am looking for a Dom but did not think that you would walk into my life the way you did, not that you are my Dom.

- Well, why don't we talk about what we want in a D/s relationship and see if we can match a few points?  What is the most important thing that you need in a D/s?

- For me, it has to be control. I need both physical and mental control. I love bondage too, mostly ropes.

- For me too control is essential. My sub needs to do what I tell her to, when I tell her to and how I tell her to. I am not totally looking for a 24/7 relationship but I do want total commitment from my sub. You see, we have more in common that you think. Let's have a dinner and leave the serious conversation for another time. What would you like to eat? I suggest something light as I have some plans for us tonight if you care to join me later on to my hotel room.

- Am I a foregone conclusion Jack? I barely know you and you expect me to go to your "hotel room" just like that? Where do you live Jack? Certainly not in the real world. I agree for the dinner but it stops there.

- That's fine Claudine.  We don't have to do anything. Let's have dinner and see where we get from there.

So we did have dinner and we did have a good time. It turns out Jack is quite a character and way different to what his appearances seem to let on. I quite like him to tell you to the truth.

And I am doing something I have always sworn that I would never do. I have agreed to follow him to his room.

And we are on our way.

Running joke: looking for a Dom is like looking for an employee

It is not a secret that I am looking for a Dom. I take this search very seriously and yes, I went through quite a few candidates who have either rejected me or me rejected them. Some became friends along the way.

Someone found it funny that I kind of treat this like a job interview.

In a way, I don't see why that would be wrong. At the end of the day, I want someone who will be right for me, and right for the right reasons.  How can I determine that if I don't ask them questions, find out how they tick, who they are in real life? I don't want a bastard in real life but someone who can be there for me even if we are not physically together, being a mum causing that complication and I want my help and compassion to be welcomed too. How would I find out if I don't dig deeper than just what is on the surface?

I want my D/s to succeed so I am not going to jump to the first candidate who seem to correspond to my profile.

D/s is serious business. I don't want a casual D/s relationship. I want a proper one, a long lasting one, a relationship that can survive the bumps of life. That's why the Dom's vanilla personality is so important to me as it will be what is going to make it or break it eventually.

So I prefer to choose wisely and to choose right. The interview process is the only way for me to go.

A one night stand with possibilities - Part 1

Tonight, I went to a party organised by one of my friends and I was not in the mood to socialise so I ended up looking at the ceiling and at the people quite a lot. The ceiling was white and the people very much photocopies of each other with their power suits on and their business composure hiding their real personality. I should have known better before accepting to come as I have been to these events before and I always always stood out as an outsider for it is what I am. I am not like the others. I don't wear power suits. I don't wear high heels. I am all flowery dresses and flat shoes. I am all personality and ray of sunshine and could not care less about business decorum. Actually, I wonder why I still get invited by my friend to these parties as she knows full well that I am not "in the crowd".

So I left and made my way to the nearest pub to have a drink with normal people who have normal conversations about anything and everything. 

I sit at an empty table and start having my drink when a gentleman approaches me and ask if the seat opposite me is taken. I say that it isn't though I am not keen on having another business suit in front of me. I have just escaped a room full of them. But nevertheless, he looks like a nice person. 

- Hi, my name is Jack, and you?

- I'm Claudine

- Claudine, that sounds French. Are you French?

- Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. You don't sound local.

- That's right, I'm from York. But I live here, well nearby. Did you come alone?

- That's right. Why do you ask?

- I don't know, you seem upset about something. Do you want to tell me?

- Well, I don't talk to strangers, I am sorry.

- We don't have to be strangers. Let me start. I work in IT as a consultant, I am single and I am adventurous. There, no longer strangers. 

- Are you having a laugh? I still don't know you. Anyway, what do you want with me?

- I want your phone number and I want to see you again. There is something about you that I like and I'd like to know you more.

- Is it the line you use to hook up with people?

- Actually it is the very first time I am doing this but I feel there is something about you. An aura, a little something. Call it what you want but I want to know more about  you.

That's a first. Never had anyone chatted me up like this. I am inclined to see where this goes. I give him my mobile number that I reserve for the lifestyle friends (I have 2 mobiles, one for vanilla life and one for the lifestyle). 

- Thank you, I'll call you tomorrow. We should do dinner together.

- Really! umm OK, let's do dinner.

On this I leave him to his drink and I make my way home, wondering what the hell has happened tonight. It is the first time I get chatted up and I give my phone number to a complete stranger. It's too late to regret about it. I'll see what happens tomorrow. Time for bed for now.